温馨提示：本站仅提供公开网络链接索引服务，不存储、不篡改任何第三方内容，所有内容版权归原作者所有
AI智能索引来源：http://www.cbn.com/article/relationships/learn-how-date-smart
点击访问原文链接

Learn How to 'Date Smart' | CBN

进入原网站 导航首页
Learn How to 'Date Smart' | CBN Skip to main content URGENT: The people of Iran need your help. GIVE NOW Ask for prayer TODAY ON THE 700 CLUB Contact Us Login give now Home Menu Site search Site search Home give now Login Ask for prayer Toggle Menu The 700 Club Toggle Menu SHOW INFORMATION 700 Club | Home Latest Episode Show Information Guests Ask A Question Share Your Story Toggle Menu MORE SHOWS 700 Club Interactive 700 Club Canada Miracle Living Today Club 700 Hoy All Shows Toggle Menu Resources Learn More A New Day Booklet Toggle Menu CBN NEWS Toggle Menu BY CATEGORY News | Home US World Israel Entertainment Health Politics Toggle Menu BY SHOW Christian World News Newswatch Faith Nation Jerusalem Dateline Studio 5 Quickstart All Shows Toggle Menu Noteworthy Top Story 'Blown Away': Hundreds Saved and… Christians Fill Mile-Long Communion… Revival Grips Brazil's Amazon: 'We… Revival Grips Brazil's Amazon: 'We… Top Story Revival Grips Brazil's Amazon: 'We… Toggle Menu FAITH Toggle Menu RESOURCES Faith | Home Daily Devotional Get Prayer Topical Resources Toggle Menu FAITH JOURNEY Curious About Christianity New Christians Returning Christians Deepen Your Faith Share Your Faith Toggle Menu More Resources Today’s Daily Devotional Get Prayer Toggle Menu SUPERBOOK Toggle Menu CBN ANIMATION Kids | Home About Us Give to Superbook Toggle Menu SUPERBOOK Watch Full Episodes Kids' Website Superbook For Churches Get Superbook Get Superbook App Toggle Menu Get More Superbook Superbook Kids' Website Superbook Bible App Toggle Menu LISTEN Toggle Menu RADIO Listen | Home Praise Contemporary Southern Gospel Selah Instrumental Cross Country Toggle Menu PODCASTS Podcasts | Home A New Day Conversations From Studio 5 Navigating Trump 2.0 Quickstart The Lesson Toggle Menu More From CBN Radio Where the worship never stops! CBN Radio App Toggle Menu ABOUT Toggle Menu DISCOVER CBN About | Home Who We Are Careers People Financials Toggle Menu OUR MINISTRIES Operation Blessing Helping The Homefront CBN Israel CBN Films Toggle Menu DONATE Give Now Gift Planning Ways To Give Toggle Menu Learn More Watch The CBN Story CBN's Ministry give now Login Ask for prayer Toggle Menu The 700 Club Latest Episode Show Information Guests Ask A Question Share Your Story More Shows Toggle Menu CBN News U.S. World Israel Entertainment Health Politics Shows Podcasts Toggle Menu Faith Faith in Jesus Daily Devotional Topical Resources Faith Journey Bible Toggle Menu Superbook About Donate Watch Kids' Website Superbook for Churches App Toggle Menu Listen Radio Podcasts Toggle Menu About Who We Are Careers People Financials Ministries Gift Planning Site search Site search Home Search Contact Us Login give now Learn How to 'Date Smart'

Dr. David Hawkins

Share This article

Link was copied! With the numbers of singles, and single-again, swelling, more and more people are bouncing in and out of relationships, including marriage, apparently learning little from mistakes in the past. Having been hurt, again and again, many are ready to resign their dating membership, withdraw their ad, abandon their singles groups and settle into the easy comfort of their apartment with a bowl of popcorn and a plasma TV.

Why are singles retreating at increasing rates from the dating scene? What’s going wrong, and how can we fix it? In a sentence—we haven’t learned how to date smart, which includes being completely ready to date in the first place.

One of the first tasks of any serious dater is to determine if they and their date is really emotionally ready and available for love. This is no easy task, since most feel eager for a relationship.

Any of you who have dated in recent years know there is a vast difference between those with “the urge to merge,” those hidden behind a brick wall of distance and deception, who are scared to death to let themselves be vulnerable at all in a relationship, and those emotionally and spiritually ready for transparency and love.

But, how can you discern the difference? This is the critical question.

A recent response to a related message board voiced some of these concerns:

I have been in several relationships that I just ended abruptly. Each of them said that I am not willing to give enough to make the relationship work. I am very afraid of getting hurt, that is why I do not want to go too far. But now I realize the fact that I can not go on for long like this. How do I know when to let go and love someone freely and stop thinking from the beginning how bad I will feel if the relationship does not work? I am really confused and want to know how I can change things for the better.”

Sadly, this writer is experiencing many of the concerns typical of those seeking a love relationship. Let’s explore some of your concerns, expanded upon in my book, Are You Really Ready for Love?, and what you can do to protect yourself from future hurt.

First, listen carefully to the feedback you’re receiving. Anytime we get a message over and over, from multiple sources, there’s a good chance there’s some truth in those messages. In your case, they’re saying you don’t give enough, and you add that you’re afraid of being hurt. I suggest participating in counseling to explore old unresolved hurts that may be hampering your willingness to take risks in dating.

Second, guard yourself from the urge to merge. Having gotten out of a serious relationship, and still reeling from pain, many rush into a new relationship with the hope of anesthetizing their pain by entering into a new, euphoric love relationship. The problem is, every time a relationship ends, we need to take time not only to grieve that loss, understanding what went wrong and what to learn from it. Go slowly, allowing the experience to impact you.

Third, it is natural to fear being hurt, but these risks can be managed with good judgment and discernment. Each of us needs to be an astute judge of character. When we trust and untrustworthy individual, we’re likely to get hurt. But, we can learn to trust only trustworthy people. This is the way any of us know how much of ourselves to share with another. Can they be trusted with our words, our emotions, our love? The old principle, test, trust, test, trust, applies to each of our lives.

Fourth, after discerning who can be trusted, by judging their character, we take risks. In every relationship we take the risk of being hurt, knowing we can minimize those risks, and also knowing the incredible payoffs when we find someone worthy of sharing our lives with. When we refuse to take risks, we remain safe, but painfully alone.

Finally, as you work on healing old wounds, developing a good judge of character, and a willingness to take risks, you’re probably prepared to enter the dating arena. Being really ready for love means you’ve done your work, are emotionally and spiritually stable, and know what you’re looking for in a date. Additionally, you’ve prepared yourself to be an attractive date yourself.

Entering into the arena of dating and love involves risks—but these risks can be managed. We don’t have to blindly enter a dating relationship, crossing our fingers and hoping we don’t get hurt. As we prepare ourselves, growing stronger and wiser, we gain self-confidence and trust that God will guide us through this challenging, yet exciting journey of our lives.

Share This article

Link was copied! About The Author David Hawkins

With more than 30 years of counseling experience, David Hawkins, Ph.D., advises couples on how to strengthen their relationship. He's also a bestselling author and the founder and director of The Marriage Recovery Center in Washington state.

Unlock the best from CBN. You are signing up to receive general newsletters from CBN. By signing up, you are consenting to our privacy policy. You can specify preference after sign-up and opt out at any time.

Popular Resources Image Lessons From the Bible’s Most Imperfect Marriages Image The Most Uncanny Love Story Written by God Image How to Stop Doing Love Wrong The Christian Broadcasting Network Unlock the best from CBN. You are signing up to receive general newsletters from CBN. By signing up, you are consenting to our privacy policy. You can specify preference after sign-up and opt out at any time.

Prayer Give News Ministry Radio Podcasts Courses Bible CBN Family MINISTRIES Operation Blessing CBN Israel Helping the Homefront CBN Films FAITH Daily Devotional Prayer Faith In Jesus Find A Church Resources CBN Bible App WAYS TO GIVE Online Donation Legacy Giving IRA & Stock Charitable Gift Annuities Real Estate & Business CONNECT Newsletters Contact Us Advertise With Us Media Kit Careers About Us NEWS United States World Israel Health Entertainment Politics CBN News App SHOWS The 700 Club Christian World News Faith Nation Jerusalem Dateline More Shows CBN Family App CBN ANIMATION Superbook Ministry Superbook Bible App Superbook Kids' Site LISTEN CBN Radio Podcasts CBN Radio App cbn-radio Radio cbn-family CBN Family cbn-apps Apps cbn-bible Bible Connect on social youtube-footer fb-footer instagram-footer twitter-footer © 2024 The Christian Broadcasting Network, Inc., A nonprofit 501 (c)(3) Charitable Organization.

Terms of use Privacy Policy Donor Privacy CBN Cookie Policy Third Party Processors Cookies Settings myCBN The Christian Broadcasting Network This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. More info.

智能索引记录